Saturday, January 24, 2009

Guaranteed ways to gain weight!!

1.  Drink lots of soda!  No diet drinks - I mean the real thing!

2.  Eat full fat ice cream...add chocolate sauce, carmel, candy pieces. sprinkles, and a waffle cone!!  YUMMY!!

3.  Eat Mayo, sour cream, full fat salad dressing, hydrogenated oils....

4.  Add salt to everything you eat!  Don't be shy a pinch won't do!  Great for water retention! 

5.  Consume only items that are in fresh fruits of veggies...just additives and preservatives.

6.  Eat as much sugar as you can - chocolate bars, candy, pies, up!

7.  Drink lots of alcohol!!  Being that any alcohol is one molecule away from a gram of fat it is basically liquid lard .........go for it!!  I know you love that bloated puffy look!!

8.  Fast food - burgers, fries, fried chicken...all excellent choices for weight gain!

9.  Eat/drink that full fat ice cream I mean "coffee" beverage....iced mocha, whipped, mocha, caffe latte, syrupy, sprinkled....what ever you call it.  Don't worry these really do count - you may think they are no calorie so true!!

10.  Last and certainly not nothing!!  This one is sooo easy!!  No walking, running, weight training, spinning, biking, strength training, yoga, hiking, just stay on your computer all day, watch at least  5 hours of TV per this for the rest of your life!!

OK if you follow these steps I bet you will feel horrible, look awful, have high blood pressure, feel sick all of the time, be over-weight, possible have diabetes, pick up ever cold or flu around, complain constantly, hmmmmm not much fun huh??

Now if you do the opposite of this list - I wonder what would happen??  

My guess is you would feel much better, look rested, have a positive out-look, have no blood pressure issues, be fit....and most of all love your life!!

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